I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
