A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Farmville is her only friend.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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