Farmville is her only friend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
