She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
