I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
