Me. At least after what I've been through.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
