There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
