he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
