I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
