I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
