how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
