I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
