I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
