Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
