Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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