we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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