you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
