i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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