ya dads aren't the best wingmen
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
