why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize