Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
