i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
