I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
