i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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