ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
