I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
