you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
