it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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