So drunk, too bad you don't want this
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
