Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
