ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
