please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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