We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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