I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize