Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
