i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
