I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
