Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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