I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
