Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
