That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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