i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
