Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
