if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
