shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
