I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
