Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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