If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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