your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
