new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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