Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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