Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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