well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think i have herpe
just one?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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