having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She made me pour olive oil on her.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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