Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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