hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
