I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
