Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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