i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize