arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
