You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
