i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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