i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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