im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
