I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bring me that man meat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
