You just made me feel so damn special
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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