Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
