i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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