Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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