Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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