You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I won the penis lottery.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize