There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
