just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
