hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
