wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
