I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
