That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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