Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
