He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So vagazzling was a success
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
