She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
