I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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