It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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