i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
