i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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