shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
