Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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