Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
