Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Randomize
