toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
