the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
