why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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