It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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