Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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