I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
