Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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