Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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