i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
