On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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