I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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