drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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