Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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