Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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